I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
