so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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