When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
