I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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