On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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