i think my tv is drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
