I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
