So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize