I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
