"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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