so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
