Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dignity is for republicans.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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