she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize