My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
