So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
