why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He did a backflip because drugs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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