Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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