I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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