Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
