i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
