he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
