Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
either way he was missing a nipple.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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