Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize