Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
