He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Everything about him screamed your future.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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