I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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