I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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