New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
