my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
