There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
