Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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