We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
