Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am mentally ready for anal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize