wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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