Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Houston, we have a blender
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
