In the future we'll all be gay
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
