Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
