the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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