I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
