so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
