Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
