you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
