Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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