apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
