I'm going to jail i love you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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