So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
