Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
