I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize