another moral hangover. fuck.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
