he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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