She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize