Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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