Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
