we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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