just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
