The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
