Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
