listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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