It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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