You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
