and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize