So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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