R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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