Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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