My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
