update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize