hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
