It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
