Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize