ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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