I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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