why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
