There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
