we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
