He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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