sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
