Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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