remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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