SEEEEXXX PLEASE
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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