...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Success! We fucked roommates!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
