I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
