so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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