Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
