I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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