Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
