You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
