Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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