you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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