Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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