It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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