We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize