I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
