He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
