I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
