how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
