I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well you can't waste a boner
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize