I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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