i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
