They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
