"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
