life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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