haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
