So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize