I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
