Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
