get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
