i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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