bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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