There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
